Community True Life & Opinions Opinion: Why I look at break-ups as a new beginning By Mario | @Londondiaries2 You would think that breaking up with someone was an easy thing to do. In an ideal world, you say what you have to say, plain and simple. In my case, this normally comes in the form of an honest talk where I try to focus on who I’m and why it’s not going to work between me and my other half. Often the reason is that I’m incapable of giving my partner what he wishes. I don’t blame him or any of his ways that I cannot change. In fact, I try not use the pronoun ‘YOU’ at all. Then, I remove myself from the situation as quickly as I can, because I believe that one should keep the ‘agony’ period to a bare minimum. Once I have made my mind up and voiced what and how I feel, there is no going back. I simply let go. I break up because it hasn’t worked and therefore I don’t see why I should make an effort in fixing something broken. In my world, I try my hardest to make things better while there are still elements of the relationship worth salvaging and things are not beyond the point of no return. Once resentment kicks in and I cringe even at the mere attempt of a romantic gestures from the other person, then I know I have no intention of ‘patching things up’. This is the moment when the space once filled with ‘us’ turns into sadness and the void of what it could have but will never be. This is also when I mentally end the battle between my conscience and my reason. I move on. Oddly enough, I identify the latest stage of this process with the word ‘freedom’. All of a sudden, there are no more boundaries, no more worries about how the other person feels, and no more misery and all the stuff that brought me to this very moment. Some of my friends view my approach to breaking up as ‘cut-throat’. How can I possibly move on so quickly? How do I manage to leave behind a significant other without suffering withdrawn symptoms from the person who used to fill my thoughts and my days? In truth, I am a creature of necessity and practicality. I simply do what it needs to be done in order for me to find balance and peace. What happens then, behind the closed doors of my heart, is something I do not discuss. Call me old fashioned but I am not going to write in social media some cryptic post, in order to share what is in my mind or how I truly feel. I believe we should deal privately with matters of the heart, nor do I need the attention of a few hundred followers who may show concern when, in fact, cannot wait to know the gore details of a potential debacle from hell. As for moving on so quickly, who says I do? In truth, I am a hoarder of the worst kind. I am one of those who never forget. I travel through life with a heavy heart, filled with years of emotional clutter covered in dust, moments I am not able to let go of, not even if I wanted to. Family, friends or lovers, once they make it into the chambers of my heart, there they will remain. What matters is the journey that took me here and at times, breaking up is part of the process. I believe that there is a direct link between our ability to let go and our capability to learn and grow from the experience. This is something that will take place only if we are capable of leaving denial and resentment out of the equation and let honesty do all the talking. If only we would view breaking up as the end of a cycle and not as a personal failure, then we would be able to embrace the unknown and uncertainty that follow the end of a story, with a positive outlook and as an opportunity to evaluate our lives and explore our options. Breaking up brings changes. Changes bring new beginnings. Where there is a beginning, there is always life. Looking ahead, this is all we need to know.