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  1. Community
  2. True Life & Opinions

True Life and Opinions

Have you got a true life story or want to talk about a topic you're passionate about? OutLife provides a platform for LGBTQ+ people to share their stories and opinions. If you'd like to share your story or opinion, email us on [email protected] and tell us what you want to talk about. 


Anxiety, Depression and me

Anxiety, Depression and me

My message is simple: if you are struggling, ask for help. Read more

Published: 11th October, 2019

Updated: 3rd March, 2021

Author: Justin Mahboubian-Jones

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
We need to talk about bisexual mental health

We need to talk about bisexual mental health

Bi people experience some of the highest rates of anxiety, self harm, and suicidal thoughts. Read more

Published: 10th October, 2019

Updated: 3rd March, 2021

Author: Justin Mahboubian-Jones

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Meet The Boy Who Drank Too Much

Meet The Boy Who Drank Too Much

Scott shares his journey through alcohol problems, and how he found peace in sobriety. Read more

Published: 21st August, 2019

Updated: 6th March, 2020

Author: Justin Mahboubian-Jones

Related topics:
  • Alcohol and drugs
  • True Life and Opinions
#LBTWomensHealth19 - I became invisible

#LBTWomensHealth19 - I became invisible

"We have to fundamentally challenge the structures in and around healthcare that prioritise the male body, the cis-male body." Read more

Published: 12th March, 2019

Updated: 1st April, 2019

Author: Justin Mahboubian-Jones

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
My G-filled Night in Brighton

My G-filled Night in Brighton

I woke up to a beautiful early September morning, possibly one of the last scorchers of the year. Upon opening my curtains, a trip down to Brighton beach seemed like a thoroughly enticing idea. So I armed myself with a good book, an embarrassingly high SPF and set off. Read more

Published: 29th December, 2018

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • Alcohol and drugs
  • True Life and Opinions
Is it because we’re gay or is it because we’re men?

Is it because we’re gay or is it because we’re men?

Are gay men, as some would have it, ‘the biggest suicide cult in history’ or are we just having a good time? It’s well known that we have sex with more people than our heterosexual brothers. Read more

Published: 27th December, 2018

Updated: 14th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Workplaces should be inclusive, even after hours

Workplaces should be inclusive, even after hours

With the festive season looming, no-one should feel left out. Read more

Published: 6th December, 2018

Updated: 6th March, 2020

Author: Justin Mahboubian-Jones

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
'Just Man Up' - the stigma of silence is killing us

'Just Man Up' - the stigma of silence is killing us

Jemal has struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts on and off for his entire adult life. Read more

Published: 10th October, 2018

Updated: 19th November, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • suicide
  • mental health
  • depression
  • Self-esteem
  • True Life and Opinions
How to tumble out of the closet

How to tumble out of the closet

Coming out to your family can seem like the most scary thing in the world to do. Whatever stage of life you come to it at, there’s always going to be trepidation. I remember being a teenager and absolutely dreading that my family would find out. Read more

Published: 12th February, 2018

Updated: 15th January, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
I'm black, but I'm not a thug

I'm black, but I'm not a thug

From my teenage years, I have been met with negative stereotypes. In strangers’ minds, my being black and being very tall, has been equated with me being intimidating, menacing, and threatening... Read more

Published: 12th February, 2018

Updated: 17th January, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Gay men: step up and become a trans ally

Gay men: step up and become a trans ally

I’ve not always been a great ally of trans people. With the benefit of hindsight I can see that was partly caused by my fear of any femininity within myself. Read more

Published: 12th February, 2018

Updated: 3rd March, 2021

Author: Liam Murphy

Comments: 6

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Dear white gay men: I'm calling you out

Dear white gay men: I'm calling you out

I cannot count the number of times a white gay man has messaged me on apps with openers like “I’d like to drain your big black cock” – which makes my skin shudder. Read more

Published: 19th April, 2017

Updated: 17th January, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Meet the white gay men who are racist

Meet the white gay men who are racist

It’s a sad fact that elements of the gay community are racist. Some are overtly racist directly through their language and actions, while there are others who don’t even recognise that they are racist. Read more

Published: 17th April, 2017

Updated: 4th March, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Comments: 10

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Beyond Grindr: Racism, fetishisation and reimagining queer black masculinities

Beyond Grindr: Racism, fetishisation and reimagining queer black masculinities

Report after report and survey after survey demonstrates that for BAME people in LGBTQ communities racism is a near universal experience...very rarely do these reports answer more difficult questions about the nature of this racism. Read more

Published: 16th April, 2017

Updated: 5th March, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Being black and gay: the illusion of inclusion

Being black and gay: the illusion of inclusion

The illusion of inclusion is how I would describe the LGBT community in Britain. The gay community loves to pay lip service to being accepting of everyone... Read more

Published: 15th April, 2017

Updated: 15th January, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Comments: 2

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
5 things an Asian guy hears on a regular basis

5 things an Asian guy hears on a regular basis

If you’re an Asian guy like me then not a week, or often a day, goes by when I don’t have to endure some form of casual racism. Read more

Published: 14th April, 2017

Updated: 15th January, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Can politics end racism in the gay community?

Can politics end racism in the gay community?

Is there racism in the gay community? Yes, because hatred and fear and loathing, spite and routine, irrationality and misoneism; these things infect everywhere. Read more

Published: 13th April, 2017

Updated: 15th January, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
I'm black, gay and living with HIV

I'm black, gay and living with HIV

The truth is that you don’t have to be subjected to discrimination that many times along the road before you begin to expect it at every turn. Read more

Published: 12th April, 2017

Updated: 15th January, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Who is your LGBT role model?

Who is your LGBT role model?

I’ve been thinking about role models a lot recently. At work, near the water machine, a colleague fired a question that had me stumped: “So Vish, who is your role model?”... Read more

Published: 9th February, 2017

Updated: 1st March, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Will I ever find space in the love car park?

Will I ever find space in the love car park?

Things change all the time. However, it often feels that the more things change, the more they stay the same, as they say... Read more

Published: 7th February, 2017

Updated: 4th March, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Opinion: Why I look at break-ups as a new beginning

Opinion: Why I look at break-ups as a new beginning

You would think that breaking up with someone was an easy thing to do. In an ideal world, you say what you have to say, plain and simple. Read more

Published: 1st February, 2017

Updated: 15th January, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
Why there's nothing wrong with camp gay men

Why there's nothing wrong with camp gay men

Camp men paved the way for the gay movement a few decades ago, yet today we are being pushed aside, in favour of macho men with toned muscles. Read more

Published: 30th November, 2016

Updated: 17th January, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Comments: 2

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
How I came out to my family and friends

How I came out to my family and friends

"Like a lot of us, I’d always cast a sideways glance at that copy of Gay Times or Attitude on the top shelf of my local newsagents, and remember the all consuming wave of nausea and panic that overcame me the first time I bought one." Read more

Published: 10th October, 2016

Updated: 1st April, 2019

Author: Liam Murphy

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • Sex
  • mental health
  • sexual health
  • coming out
  • Coming Out
  • Life
  • True Life and Opinions
Telling my family I’m living with HIV is the best thing I’ve done

Telling my family I’m living with HIV is the best thing I’ve done

By the time I arrived at home I was an emotional and exhausted wreck. We had not long finished our dinner when I saw my younger brother who, sitting on the opposite side of the table, gave me a look as to say ‘go on, tell them’. It was then I proceeded to break down in tears as I told my parents I was HIV-positive. Read more

Published: 5th August, 2016

Updated: 3rd December, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • HIV+me
  • Ruaidhri O'Baoill
  • hiv
  • True Life and Opinions
I’m still in love with him – how getting over your ex is a journey

I’m still in love with him – how getting over your ex is a journey

Getting over someone is hard. Trying to forgot about his mannerisms, the way he called you ‘babe’ or the way he spoke your name is easier said than done. Read more

Published: 5th August, 2016

Updated: 23rd January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • Michael lee
  • ex
  • Break-ups
  • True Life and Opinions
Why gay men need to ditch their inner bitch.

Why gay men need to ditch their inner bitch.

You know who I’m talking about. The wannabe diva queens or the ‘masc 4 masc’ bro dudes who cling on to their cliché friends like their lives depended on it. Read more

Published: 6th June, 2016

Updated: 24th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • fs154
  • Vish
  • opinion
  • True Life and Opinions
Mental health and the gay community

Mental health and the gay community

Mental health is a topic people still find difficult to discuss, even with their closest circle of friends. Read more

Published: 6th June, 2016

Updated: 4th March, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • Mental Health
  • True Life and Opinions
Six reasons why gay men drink so much

Six reasons why gay men drink so much

It’s not easy to sit down and plan out an issue to do with alcohol and gay men. Why? Well, who wants to be told they are drinking too much or too often? Not me. I like a drink just as much as the next person. Read more

Published: 5th April, 2016

Updated: 24th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • Editor's letter
  • alcohol
  • Ian Howley
  • alcohol and the gay community
  • fs153
  • True Life and Opinions
No speak English?

No speak English?

Mark Reed is currently working abroad as an English teacher in Cali, Colombia. He is originally from Ireland but lives in North London. While in Colombia, Mark reflects on moving to another country with limited knowledge of the language and looks at how gay men from other countries, with limited English, may feel when they move to the UK. Read more

Published: 5th April, 2016

Updated: 24th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • Mark Reed
  • fs153
  • True Life and Opinions
Muslim, gay and suicidal

Muslim, gay and suicidal

When reconciling being gay with faith all I can say is this: I read the Qur’an and the Bible when I was trying to come to terms with my sexual orientation 24 years ago Read more

Published: 5th April, 2016

Updated: 24th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Comments: 3

Related topics:
  • suicide
  • mental health
  • faith
  • muslim
  • religion
  • fs153
  • Khakan Qureshi
  • True Life and Opinions
10 things NOT to say to a gaysian!

10 things NOT to say to a gaysian!

Let me explain the term gaysian. Simply blend the words gay and Asian together to describe LGBT Asian people and a whole underground scene. Read more

Published: 5th April, 2016

Updated: 24th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • Vish
  • opinion
  • gaysian
  • True Life and Opinions
I’m still coming out

I’m still coming out

Coming out is one of the bravest personal things an individual can do. Read more

Published: 1st February, 2016

Updated: 11th October, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • fs152
  • Scott Roberts
  • coming out
  • Coming Out
  • True Life and Opinions
Why finding my voice has been a struggle

Why finding my voice has been a struggle

As a child I was deeply shy. I hated attention and would hide from anyone who would challenge me. Read more

Published: 1st February, 2016

Updated: 24th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • mental health
  • confidence
  • Gayasian
  • Vish
  • True Life and Opinions
What is it really like to be Black or Asian and gay?

What is it really like to be Black or Asian and gay?

Coming out as gay can be a challenging process – both psychologically and socially. Read more

Published: 1st February, 2016

Updated: 24th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • asian gay
  • muslim
  • black gay
  • gay
  • gay racism
  • True Life and Opinions
7 things every 'rural gay' should know about London

7 things every 'rural gay' should know about London

Here are a few things I learned when I made the move from a small city in southern Ireland to the bright lights of London. Read more

Published: 1st February, 2016

Updated: 24th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • Mark Reed
  • london gay
  • rural gay
  • True Life and Opinions
8 lessons for my sexually uneducated teen self

8 lessons for my sexually uneducated teen self

By what I can only assume was an issue with the timetable I ended up having sex education at least three times during my years of education at middle and high school (yes I went to a ‘middle school’). Read more

Published: 30th November, 2015

Updated: 24th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • young gay
  • Scott Roberts
  • Gay sex advice
  • True Life and Opinions
Why Asian drag queens are simply awesome!

Why Asian drag queens are simply awesome!

I admit it. I love drag queens! Their elaborate wigs, make-up and costumes when accompanied with a giggle riot performance act brings me sheer joy. Read more

Published: 7th October, 2015

Updated: 24th January, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • Gayasian
  • Vish
  • Asian
  • Drag Queen
  • True Life and Opinions
8 ways to make an open relationship work

8 ways to make an open relationship work

Come one, come all to the hot topic of OPEN RELATIONSHIPS. I can already hear the mumbles: ‘an open relationship isn’t a real relationship’... ‘if I was in love then I wouldn’t need anyone else’... ‘true love is only between two people.’ You guys can shut up, just shut up. Shut. Up. Read more

Published: 6th October, 2015

Updated: 22nd December, 2018

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • FS150
  • Open Relationships
  • David Blackett
  • Open Relationships
  • True Life and Opinions
TRUE LIFE: My battle with food, body image and self worth

TRUE LIFE: My battle with food, body image and self worth

Body image is something I’ve always struggled with. Whether or not that’s the acceptance of others or just accepting myself. But spending 18 years of my life overweight might be something to do with that. Read more

Published: 3rd June, 2015

Updated: 22nd December, 2018

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • James Brumpton
  • fittness
  • Health
  • body image
  • Life
  • Body Image
  • True Life and Opinions
Simon's story: My fiancé beat me

Simon's story: My fiancé beat me

You’d never think that the person you love would ever raise a finger to you. Read more

Published: 30th November, 2014

Updated: 26th February, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • FS145
  • true life
  • domestic violence
  • gay abuse
  • True Life and Opinions

"No Asians" - Isn’t it time to out gay diversity?

I’m a gay British Asian male barely within the ‘youth’ bracket and I have a history of scouring the internet for celebrity gossip and pictures of hot men. Read more

Published: 29th September, 2014

Updated: 27th December, 2018

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • Gayasian
  • Vish
  • Asian
  • FS144
  • True Life and Opinions
Open relationships? It’s a no from me

Open relationships? It’s a no from me

I’m 21 and a monogamist (at least I would be if I had a boyfriend). There, I said it. Read more

Published: 28th July, 2014

Updated: 4th March, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • fs143
  • Ben Henry
  • Open Relationships
  • True Life and Opinions
Am I a bad gay for not taking care of my body?

Am I a bad gay for not taking care of my body?

Around four years ago now, I managed to shed nearly five stone — the equivalent of Kim Kardashian’s hair extensions — and felt absolutely great about myself. Read more

Published: 8th July, 2014

Updated: 13th February, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • fs134
  • body image
  • Body Image
  • True Life and Opinions
Why can’t you just be healthy?

Why can’t you just be healthy?

By many accounts, we gay men are a pretty unhealthy bunch. We are much more likely to smoke than our heterosexual brothers, tend to drink more (and more often) and are many times more likely to take drugs. Read more

Published: 2nd June, 2014

Updated: 4th March, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • healthy gay men
  • Matthew Hodson
  • FS142
  • The last Word
  • True Life and Opinions

"You’re too old to be on the scene"

There’s a surprisingly complex range of emotions that hit you when your (younger) editor emails you and says: “I’m looking for an article on older gay men on the scene – you seem like the obvious person to write it.” Read more

Published: 2nd June, 2014

Updated: 13th February, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • gay sence
  • FS142
  • Gareth Johnson
  • ageism
  • old gay men
  • True Life and Opinions
Don't call me gay

Don't call me gay

Jacob, a 21-year-old law student from Manchester, agrees with this approach: “I just think those words seem a bit outdated and old fashioned,” he says. Read more

Published: 2nd June, 2014

Updated: 13th February, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • Richard patrick
  • FS142
  • gay labels
  • True Life and Opinions
I think about killing myself every day

I think about killing myself every day

I was amazed to find out that the number one killer of young gay men was not HIV, it’s suicide, but yet it seems all the gay community talks about is HIV and STIs. You want to talk about stigma? Read more

Published: 30th May, 2014

Updated: 10th September, 2020

Author: Ian Howley

Comments: 1

Related topics:
  • suicide
  • mental health
  • depression
  • true life
  • FS142
  • Life
  • True Life and Opinions
  • Suicide
The unspoken truth about sexual abuse

The unspoken truth about sexual abuse

Ever since the Jimmy Savile revelations, there’s hardly been a day when there hasn’t been a news story about sexual abuse. Teachers, politicians and especially entertainers from the 1970s have all been accused. Having let Savile get away with it, the law and the media seem determined that others will be punished. Read more

Published: 27th March, 2014

Updated: 5th March, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • sexual abuse
  • FS141
  • Matthew Hodson
  • The last Word
  • True Life and Opinions
How dare you be fat!

How dare you be fat!

I have a confession to make. I am gay-fat. Read more

Published: 3rd February, 2014

Updated: 24th January, 2020

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • gay fat
  • Gareth Johnson
  • Body Image
  • True Life and Opinions
Status Update: Gay – coming out online

Status Update: Gay – coming out online

When Olympic diving star Tom Daley posted a video on YouTube announcing his same-sex relationship, he joined a small but significant group of celebrities brave enough to declare their sexuality to the world. While the inevitable media frenzy focused on the revelation itself, the biggest surprise was his refreshingly honest approach and his use of social media to make the announcement. Read more

Published: 3rd February, 2014

Updated: 3rd March, 2021

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • sexuality
  • coming out
  • Coming Out
  • True Life and Opinions
Insta-shaming - Is it only a bit of fun?

Insta-shaming - Is it only a bit of fun?

Over the last few months, the dating app Tinder has become a great source of entertainment for my straight friends with many an afternoon pub session spent huddled around a tiny screen; snap judgements steering the swipes alongside a brutal running commentary. Read more

Published: 25th November, 2013

Updated: 30th December, 2018

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • fs139
  • shaming
  • dating
  • True Life and Opinions
The six-step gay relationship guide

The six-step gay relationship guide

These relationship things can be tricky though, can’t they? They’re fragile little beasts that vary wildly from the wondrously joyous to traumatic, soul-sucking, bastard hell disasters, robbing you of your dignity, compassion and ability to function as a real live human. Read more

Published: 6th November, 2013

Updated: 26th February, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • Relationships
  • fs134
  • Relationships
  • True Life and Opinions
You make me ashamed to be gay

You make me ashamed to be gay

Are you homophobic? Read more

Published: 8th October, 2013

Updated: 2nd September, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • homophobic
  • internalised homophobia
  • Richard patrick
  • fs138
  • True Life and Opinions
Why don't you use condoms?

Why don't you use condoms?

The grand authorities on HIV data reckon that about 80,000 people in the UK have avoided contracting HIV as a result of condom use. That’s pretty impressive. That’s more than the number of gay men who have contracted HIV to date. But is it good enough? Read more

Published: 25th June, 2013

Updated: 5th March, 2019

Author: Ian Howley

Related topics:
  • True Life and Opinions
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